Well, that was 100 bucks for me then
I dont know whether this is the correct forum to post further - but we localized the problem to be that ident thingie, cause our firewall logs told us that it was trying to connect to the identd, and after that the connection to the server times out.
We just get a
421 Timeout (15 seconds): closing control connection.
error, when trying to connect.
I'm not sure that it is caused by the ident lookup problem, but that was the most obivous thing i could think of.
We got TLS enabled and required on the servers if that makes a different