1. Load your queue and press the transfer queue button, this will connect and start the transfer all in one click.
2. What if you limit his download speed just below your max upload rate, so if your max speed is 60kb, set it to 55kb. Downloading generates some upload traffic as well and if there isn't any room left to send the traffic it will reduce your speed.
It's possible that you two have some different windows settings. Sites like
http://www.dslreports.com or
http://www.speedguide.net have tweaks that you can do to improve your internet connection.